Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events

Rated PG

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~And ridiculous situations~

By Todd Karella
December 17, 2004

   After an unsuccessful attempt at having them run over by a train, the children are taken away from the Count and sent off to live with their next closest relative.
   Uncle Monty (Billy Connolly) is a good man who loves snakes and reptiles and has many of them around his home. The children have high hopes for this new relative as they plan a nature trip to Peru.
   The day before their departure, Uncle Monty's assistant is sick and a mysterious man takes his place. The children immediately see through the disguise and recognize that it’s Count Olaf.

While the trailers lead you to believe this is another magical adventure like the Harry Potter films, nothing can be further from the truth. The only similarities between the films are that they are both children’s stories and British.
The film does have some really impressive scenery, but that’s the only positive aspect it does have. The story is rather predictable and boring, and the dialogue is just as bad.
Note to future filmmakers: If your best lines are delivered by a baby speaking in gibberish with captions on the bottom of the screen, you’re in big trouble.

   The story is about three children who have lived in a mansion all of their lives with absentee parents, until a mysterious fire burns down their home. Presumably the parents died in the fire, but the film is never really clear on it, or how the children survived. Now they are sent to live with whatever relative will take them in.
    Violet (Emily Browning) is the oldest Baudelare child at 14 and spends all of her time inventing. However, before she can invent she must tie her hair into a ponytail.
   Klaus (Liam Aiken) is the only male child and has read every book in the family library.

The baby of the group is Sunny (Kara & Shelby Hoffman) and her skill is that she’s good at biting. She also speaks in baby talk, but her siblings can understand what she says.
After the fire, the three children are sent to live with Count Olaf (Jim Carrey), a distant and eccentric relative they have never met.
The Count is more interested in the money that the children will inherit and devises a way to kill the children in order to get his hands on their inheritance.

   But since adults never listen to kids, nobody believes them, even when Monty ends up killed by one of his own snakes.
   With their incredible skills at inventing, reading and biting, they manage to thwart the phony assistant who once again eludes the police.
   With their caretaker dead, they are shipped off to live with Aunt Josephine (Meryl Streep). While she is also a good person, she is also very eccentric. Not only is she obsessed with good grammar, but her home is balancing on the side of a cliff threatening to topple off at any moment.
   Before they even get familiar with their new surroundings, The Count arrives disguised as an old fisherman.
   Even though he manages to get rid of Josephine, the children find a few important clues from their time spent there. Not only did Josephine have a spyglass like Uncle Monty and their parents, but her husband died in a fire and they find a sketch of a mysterious looking eye.
   After everything that has happened, nobody will believe that Count Olaf is responsible no matter how much the children protest. In fact, they consider returning custody to him.
   If that wasn't bad enough, The Count finds out that he will receive no money if any harm comes to the children. The only way he will collect anything is through matrimony.
   Using Sunny as leverage he forces Violet to marry him, but somehow someway you know that she will get rescued. Unfortunately, by this time you really don't care. The only thing the audience is concerned about is it ending as soon as possible.
   All in all, it's no Harry Potter.

Why am I in this film?

How'd you know it was me?

We've got to live with who?

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