80-Days

Around the World in 80 Days

____

By Todd Karella
June 16, 2004

~A mind-numbing adventure~

Passepartout-Jackie Chan &Phileas Fogg-Steve Coogan

It's good to be the Queen

We're off to see the wizard

Who knew Jackie Chan could fight?

Another remake of the classic Jules Verne book was regurgitated onto the silver screen this week in the form of a children's movie.
   Unfortunately, with the dumbing down of movies for children this film relies on violent humor that the Home Alone series of films made so popular. There is constantly someone getting hit in the groin, falling out of trains or out of four-story windows. The only thing missing was a good fart joke.
   While the basic idea of a trip around the world is the same, there are a lot of changes which are a typical Disney trademark whenever they take on a project.
   In this rendition, Passepartout (Jackie Chan) is no longer a Frenchman; instead he is Chinese and has just robbed the Bank of London. After hiding in a tree, Passepartout finds himself in Phileas Fogg (Steve Coogan)'s yard. His valet has just deserted him, refusing to be his test subject any longer. With the police hot on his trail, Passepartout pretends that he is the new valet.

Phileas accepts his new valet and shows him around his laboratory. Phileas is an eccentric inventor ahead of his time and laughed at by his peers.
When the question of traveling around the world in 80 days is

discussed, Passepartout sees it as the quickest way for him to return to China and turns the conversation towards his objective. It seems that he did not rob the bank for money, but instead to retrieve the jade Buddha that was stolen from his village. It is imperative that it is returned as soon as possible.
Phileas agrees to take the trip on a bet with the head of the Royal Academy of Science, Lord Kelvin (Jim Broadbent). If he wins he will become the new head of the academy, if he fails to make it in 80 days then he agrees to give up inventing forever.
During their first stop in Paris the two run into Monique La Roche (Cecile De France). She's an artist, or at least that's what she wants to be. She's actually the hat check girl. When she finds out they are heading around the world she invites herself along for the adventure.

While this could be enough excitement for a film, there are several people following them. Not only has Lord Kelvin paid a bumbling Inspector Fix (Ewen Bremmer) to stop them, but the evil Chinese General Fang (Karen

Mok) and her soldiers are trying to recover the Jade Buddha.
   This leads to several large-scale combat scenes with Jackie Chan using his martial arts skills to save the day, while Phileas manages to stumble his way through.
   Unfortunately, this is nothing new and makes one long for Chan in his younger days. The action is not up to par with his other films and simply falls short of what we've come to expect.
   The only entertaining aspect of the film are the multitude of cameos. Every few minutes you can expect to see a big name celebrity.
   Rob Schneider plays a hobo that helps Phineas when he finds himself lost and broke in San Francisco and teaches him that a bum's best asset is his horrible smell.

Wow, look at the I.Q. of the audience dropping.

Luke and Owen Wilson also make a wonderful cameo as Orville and Wilbur Wright. Although no one knows why a couple of bicycle repairmen are in the middle of the desert.
Even the great John Cleese appears as a police sergeant, and Kathy Bates is Queen Victoria who ultimately deals with Lord Kelvin.
The biggest cameo in the film is Arnold Schwarzenegger who plays the Turkish Prince Hapi. It's unfortunate that this may be the last role he plays for some time on the big screen, as it is one of his worst performances.

While the film had plenty of potential it simply failed to deliver anything new. It was advertised as a family movie, but a family movie should be something everyone can enjoy and not just 12-year-olds.
Instead of catching this one in the theatre, you'll be better served by waiting for it to come to television.